In the Light of Brokenness

This journey of "mama-hood" has taught me so many lessons and has made me realize so many things that I never thought about prior to becoming a Mother. When our first miracle was born (Cole), I had all of these expectations and had a plan of how I wanted it to be for my baby and me - But, wait a minute!  Whoah, there Nellie!  Did Cole teach me otherwise after his arrival into my world!  ;-)  But, that's ok!  I have loved every minute of being his Mama, from the time I learned I was carrying him beneath my heart, to this very moment!  He is my favorite, special boy.  I quickly learned that he would get that runny nose, that he would cough, that he would get an upset tummy, that he would bump that precious head, that he would scratch that cute little knee, that he would experience missing me after starting pre-K, that he would feel left out at times, that he would not feel like he was like everybody else, that he would feel like things never went the way he wanted them to, that he would feel like he couldn't always win, that he would not always get picked to do things, that he would realize that life isn't always fair.... Yes, as Mamas, we have to face the fact that these downer moments ARE going to come and there isn't a bubble that we can put them in to protect them. 

As most of our family and friends know, Cole had an accident on Oct. 7th and broke his elbow.  We had been spending the day doing one of our favorites - riding horses. We had had such an awesome day!  The weather was crisp and cool with the first kiss of Fall in the air and it felt amazing!  The horses were "feeling good" from it, as well.  Our nephew, Dalton, spent the day riding with us and it was almost a "too perfect" day. Dalton is 3 years older than Cole and they have grown up like a "big brother, little brother" pair (even though they're just 1st cousins) that have shared the love of horses, while both have dreams of being the next Roy Rogers.  ;-)  Both of these boys being able to ride together is such a fun, but also special time for them.  They had so much fun riding during that day. I look back on it now and I still smile at knowing how much they were enjoying themselves.  Ok..... back to that day... The boys are riding and Kara was following right behind, as always.  She can't let them 2 have all of the fun!  ;-)  She was riding her palomino pony that she claims is her best friend for life, 'Lil Bit.  I remember finding myself in the moment of watching them... riding, laughing, talking, petting their horses and just enjoying their time.  Tom was continuously reminding them, like he always does all of us when riding, "Hold on!  Pay attention to what's ahead!  Stay in tuned to your horse, because he/she could do anything at any time!  Look at your surroundings.  Look for holes in the ground!" ..... When it comes to riding, we're very protective and even like to break out the protective gear - helmets, the magic seat, and our usual "OCD-ness" of hounding the kids about paying attention to everything.  Then.... Just like that, I turned around to look at something on the other side of me and then....

Suddenly, I heard Kara crying/screaming and the sound of her mini-pony's gallop coming faster than I think I've ever heard her.  The look on her face is still in my mind.  Poor baby - She has minor speech issues and I was trying to figure out what had her so upset, and realized quickly that it was about Cole.  I ran as fast as I could to get to where Cole and Dalton were.  I got to Cole and he was just laying on the ground - no cry, no moan. He just looked up at me with a pitiful face. I knew something was wrong because he wouldn't get up.  I asked him if he was ok.  He said, "Mama, I'm ok.  My arm hurts so bad, though. Can you please grab my horse for me?"  His medium-sized pony (Rocket) was just standing there looking at us.  By this time, Tom had made it to us and he grabbed Rocket. Tom asked Cole to get on up and to shake it off.  I told Tom to wait a minute and that I needed to take Cole's hoodie off and look him over first, so I told Cole that I wanted to help him get up off of the ground.  I eased Cole up on both feet and went to take the hoodie off. I saw his elbow, dangling in an awkard way from his arm and I knew immediately that it was broken. Tom saw it and yelled, "Oh, no! It's broke!"  I grabbed Cole and yelled, "Take care of Dalton, Kara, and the horses.  I'm gone to the ER with Cole!"  So, off to the ER Cole and I went!

Meanwhile, Tom was calming down Dalton  and Kara.  He got the horses gathered and put away. Then he decided to thoroughly check out Rocket to see if he had any possible medical issues that may have promoted him to buck out all of the sudden with Cole riding - especially after we had rode a good while. He even thought that with the Fall season starting that Rocket may have stepped into a hornets' nest that was bedding up in the ground - which, who knows, but horse folks know that anything is possible and that anything can happen.   According to Tom as of now, Rocket must have gotten hyped up from the newly cold weather that had blown in that day and was feeling frisky.  Cole got caught off-guard when Rocket got hyped up and when he bucked in his excitement, he went to the ground. 

At the E.R...... Cole had to have surgery to repair his elbow that lasted till after midnight that night. His elbow has 3 pins in it and we left with a white soft cast to return home.  Cole had to miss 3 days of school until we got a hard cast on.  We returned to the surgeon at his clinic that Wednesday and Cole got a green cast in representation of his football team, the Calhoun Jets. The following week, we returned to the clinic and Cole got his green cast cut off and the stitches taken out and got a red cast on. We will return next week to see if the pins are ready to come out and go from there, according to the dr.

So, what are we doing about this whole cast on the arm situation now?  The big challenge for us is his bath time. He has been a "big boy " for the past few years and has taken his own baths.  So, we've had to accomodate bath time for him and protecting the casted arm while I help him bathe.  Boy, what an adjustment!!!  On another note, this thing as a whole has not slowed him down much. He is still trying to figure out how he can do things everyday and is doing an awesome job!  He has had to miss the last 3 games with his football team and is unable to ride his pony, of course.  Yes, this has bummed him out.  It has broken my heart for him and I have wished that I could just "fix" this really quick - but, it doesn't happen that way. 

Cole realizing the importance of horsemanship safety.....  Cole has explained to us how he has realized that he should've held on to Rocket with his legs and in better preparation for anything that could happen.  He had gotten too comfortable in that saddle and got caught off guard, which can happen to anyone at any time when riding.  While some people may look down on us for allowing our kids to learn to ride and feeling sorry for Cole that he got hurt in doing so, we hope they realize that this isn't something we just up and picked up to do as a hobby overnight.  This is something that my husband has done his whole life, he has been trained by others while he was growing up, and his world has pretty much always revolved around horsemanship since he was a toddler. Even though I have never received professional training in horsemanship and I didn't grow up on the "rodeo road", I have been around horses all of my life and had the opportunity of regularly being around them through my parents, grandparents, and some of my cousins and close friends who did rodeo as I was growing up.  Therefore, with the experience and knowledge that we do have, we've tried our best to prepare and teach our children about safety and horsemanship and will always continue to do so, as long as we're living and can do it.  This is not just something we're enjoying for the moment - it's a part of our livelihood and we all have a heart for it and we're allowing ourselves to learn more and more about horsemanship each day, as with any activity or livelihood of one's life.   An important factor to remember is that anyone - including young children - OUR children we love and want to protect so much - can get hurt participating in any hobby or activity that they're enjoying.  Football, baseball, basketball, soccer, karate, gym, dance class, riding horses - they can even get in an accident at the park or playground during leisure time.  This something that I've realized that I've just had to be ok with and I'm praying that others see it this way, as well. 

In another sense of all of this, I have to share how Cole has "wowed" me in all of this. While his accident has frustrated me and I've wished that I could just fling out my Super Mama wand and fix his broken elbow, he has been in such awesome spirits!  Of course, he's been bummed out, like I previously stated. But, he's expressed more patience than I have, is trying to figure out new ways to still do things for himself without asking for help, and talking about how he's looking forward to what all he's going to do when he gets his cast off.  He's staying positive and looking ahead, which is such an inspiration to this Mama! (I love you, my Cole-man!)

How does Cole feel about riding again?  That's the million dollar question that we're getting from so many.  The answer.... He can't wait to climb back into the saddle.  He would do it with the cast on, if we would allow. But, we've explained to him that he must be healed completely before climbing back up.  He's ok with that.  He's just ready to continue following his dreams and doing what he loves doing. 

Cole sitting in the back of his daddy's truck

while at the Spradley Family Reunion, Oct. 2012